Fate

I always strongly believed that if one were to try their best in everything they do, good things like success would naturally follow. These past few years have troubled me greatly, and I feel the reason is that my belief has been shaken. I feel anxious because nothing out of the ordinary has come my way, despite always trying my best. I feel like giving up because it wouldn't make much of a difference. But today I browsed around on Facebook and I saw how my friends were getting out there, coaching, learning new things, getting things done, nothing particularly special but they were living. Makes me realize that I spend too much time worrying and thinking, and not enough doing. It motivates me, but I still am unsure about my career path along electrical engineering. I have picked up piano again in hopes to fill some of the wasted time I spend thinking. I hope to start volunteering, which I haven't done since high school, as I've heard it's a great stress reliever as well as a spiritual booster. We'll see what lies ahead.

Never have to work a day in your life

Today I read an interesting comic on 9gag. In the first panel, a newborn baby took the pen from his father's shirt pocket and drew on his father's face. The following panels illustrated the boy growing up, constantly drawing on walls, paper, etc. In the last frame, he was dressed for work, drawing on a drawing board with the caption: "Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life." This is a quote by Confucius, and it really made me think. Humans, apart from all other animals have the freedom and ability to do practically anything they want. This is why people who are singers, actors, musicians, artists, and so on are able to make a living. I cannot think of any other species that can take advantage of entertaining others to make a living, and a comfortable one at that.

I've always thought that it was necessary for people to advance mankind into the future, but now I wonder if that way of thinking was wrong all along. I mean, if everyone is happy with how life is, why should be so eager to push past this time of peace and happiness? And so I reflected upon what I am doing. As a electrical engineer, I feel I am at the forefront of technological advance, and being in the age of technology, leading the way into the future. But I am very unhappy with this field of study, as it does not fit me at all. I have repressed what I've wanted to do for so long, that I longer have anything I truly want to do. Dreams and aspirations have faded away, and now I am left with nothing but the path I am already on. I fear that I will be doomed to a lot of pain and unhappiness in the future if I continue down this path. But if I have the ability to accomplish something, I shouldn't let that talent go to waste right? It would be selfish for me to chase after happiness when I can make the world a better place right? Aha I guess no one can give me an answer to this, as neither choice is completely wrong or right. The decision is left in my hands, as it has always been, and I will have to choose soon since I'm not getting any younger...

A rainy day on reading break

A combination of a rainy day and a bit of fatigue after pulling a tooth resulted in a relaxing but lazy day. However I do feel I am just using that as an excuse to slack off. Reading manga passes my time quickly and enjoyably, but I always regret it afterwards. Afterall, everyone has a time limit on their lives, why would anyone even think about trying to squander such a precious thing away. But I can't help myself, I am so bored of the monotony surrounding me I need to escape to another world every now and then. I am grateful for the opportunity to study, but I look around me, and I see other students spending every hour studying, to get a job and spend every hour working, before finally retiring and "enjoying" life... I feel there's something wrong with that, having to waste away our youth to live a happy old man. I realize that we are able to learn quickly at this age, and so this is the best time to learn, but youth only comes by once, why do what you could do when you're 40? Perhaps I am just running from my studies again, who knows. But it would be nice if a change of pace happened, something out of the ordinary. Guess I'll have to get out and find something extraordinary to motivate me, a trip sounds great at the moment, haha.

A sad day for UBC

Today the Ubyssey reported that the Trevor Wimble, aka the "SUB man", was found dead at UBC Village. He passed away sometime between February 6 - 7, due to natural causes. Although I did not personally know him, I spent a lot of time at the SUB during my first year and nodded or smiled to him numerous times. He always returned the smile and I'm sure he was a very kind person. His passing really made me rethink my values in life, and what really matters. I originally made this blog to relieve my daily frustrations, but now I don't see a reason what I could possibly get so frustrated about. Trevor drank coffee, read the paper, and silently thought to himself in that same chair for over a decade, he was a true man who endured all of life's hardships and saw only good in the world. I feel like a ungrateful child knowing such a person existed, my best wishes go out to him and to his family, rest in peace Trevor, you were an inspiration.

A flood of thoughts

So here I am sitting and studying quietly when wham! Life hits me. I ask myself why do I even bother studying? As an electrical engineer I'm pretty much forced to sit and study 24/7, but the only reason I picked this discipline was because it had a good prospect, good reputation, and good pay. But in reality this is probably the boring field I could possibly go into. I am incredibly restless and I get bored very quickly. Without something requiring physical activity I would probably die from boredom, and electrical engineers, don't move very much... Ha, almost 20 and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life, it's a terrible feeling that I'm sure many have experienced. I feel the need for something big to happen, but I realize that I need to do something first before something can happen to me, a kind of equivalent exchange you could say (yes I stole that from fma) and so here I sit studying through my mental anguish. The only reprieve I get is when I let one of three things fill up the currently empty life. These three things are friends, games, and comics. Friends do what they do, and games have lost their appeal in my eyes over the past years, but if my friends are on an online party ensues. As for comics, I feel manga/manwha is far more entertaining than American comics (just my opinion though). They carry a more serious, realistic, yet creative aspect in them, something people can relate to. Not in the sense of ninjas or shingami like in Naruto or Bleach, but theirs ideals and how the characters choose to live life. I am enraptured by the image of an ideal and peaceful world that the main character always seems to bring. Everything from their infectious personality changing villains to heroes, to their never ending determination. Ah here I go, losing myself to the artificial world of manga once again. Perhaps I am just running from reality, but hey who would run away from a fire and return just to get burned again? Well I guess I don't have much of a choice, back to the cruel fate that is known as reality. I should do something about this whole reality business, maybe a Matrix-esque kind of thing? I am an electrical engineer after all, haha.
*nts: paragraphs, good writing style never hurt anyone

First Post in 4 Years

Huh, I was considering starting blogging when suddenly i stumbled upon this old account. If memory serves I used it originally to complete a summer course in my tenth grade of high school, and then left it for dead afterwards. Who would've guessed that I would be back... Never really learned how to use blogger effectively, and now I remember even less, but who cares I'll just be using this as a "note-to-self" kind of thing, a place to write my thoughts down and leave them behind and believe me I have a lot of thoughts... So many that in fact it's starting to disturb my daily life... Well anyways I'll leave my first post as is, as I should either be studying or sleeping, both which would be helpful for my exam on Monday x_x